Donald Trump Picks Chimpanzee for Cabinet Postion
Chimpanzee Bobo "Studs" McKenzie to head U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service
by Paul Diamond Blow (submitted November 28, 2016)
In a surprise move, President-elect Donald Trump has chosen chimpanzee Bobo "Studs" McKenzie as part of his Cabinet, to head the United States Fish and Wildlife Service. The USFWS is part of the United States Department of the Interior and its responsibilities include enforcing federal wildlife laws, protecting endangered species, and conserving and restoring wildlife habitat.
Says Trump about his pick, "Who better to manage our wild life and forests than an insider who KNOWS the biz?" Trump also said that Bobo "Studs" McKenzie will work for "bananas" and "will not monkey around on the job." Bobo "Studs" McKenzie is a 34-year-old chimpanzee, currently living in Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo where he is also employed as a custodian.
Bobo "Studs" McKenzie was interviewed by this reporter and had this to say about his upcoming position, "I am honored to work with Donald Trump to make our forests and jungles GREAT again. First thing we do is build a wall around our wild life reserves to keep the baboons and other undesirables out."
Some Republican members of Congress have raised objections to Trump's pick, claiming that Bobo "Studs" McKenzie is himself an illegal immigrant from the Congo. Trump has responded to these charges, saying "Oh no, sir. Bobo and I go way back. I can guarantee that he is a 100% American chimpanzee, born and bred right here in the Bible Belt where he was raised by farmers on a 100% American goat farm." Trump's claims could not be substantiated at this time.
Asked about his stand on the Global Warming issue, Bobo "Studs" McKenzie replied, "What the hell do I know? I'm an ape, not a scientist." Asked if he had any future political aspirations, Bobo stated he was eyeing a run for Congress in 2018. "Why not?" he said. "Those guys have been monkeying around for years now, why not let a real monkey do the job?"
Bobo "Studs" McKenzie is no stranger to the limelight. In 1998 Bobo gained notoriety after being sued in Federal court for sexual misconduct by a female orangutan who claimed Bobo "acted in an inappropriate sexist manner." Bobo "Studs" McKenzie claimed the incident was just a "misunderstanding" and that at the time he had "had too many banana daiquiris to be responsible for what I did." He later settled out of court for an undisclosed sum.
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