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He's the kind of fella that girls dream about at night -- it's better than seeing him in the light.
Looks aren't everything; in her case, they aren't anything.
He has a very sympathetic face. It has everyone's sympathy.
There's only one trouble with his face-- it shows!
He should join the Ku Klux Klan -- he would look a lot better with a hood over his head.
She's not exactly bad looking. There's just one little blemish between her ears-- her face.
She's so ugly, at a Christmas party they hung her and kissed the mistletoe!
She's had her face lifted so many times, she talks through her nose.
She looks like a million -- every year of it.
He has so many chins, you can't be sure of which one he's going to talk out of next.
Even her double chin has a double chin.
He has a face like a flower-- a cauliflower.
He has such a big mouth, he can sing a duet all by himself.
He goes to the dentist twice a year. Once for every tooth.
He has a Roman nose. It roams all over his face.
His teeth are like the Ten Commandments-- all broken.
His teeth are his own-- he just made the last payment on them.
She has so many wrinkles, she has to screw her hat on.
He has wavy hair-- it's waving goodbye.
Barbers don't charge him for cutting his hair-- they charge him for searching for it!
He has a nice head on his shoulders. But it would look better on a neck!
He takes vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F, and G, and still looks like H.
He has a big heart, and a stomach to match.
He's so fat, when he takes a shower his feet don't get wet!
He's so fat, when he stands on a talking scale it says, "One at a time, please!"
She's a real Ooomph girl. When she sits on a sofa, it goes Ooomph!
She's a light eater. As soon as it gets light, she starts eating.
He's on a seafood diet... When he sees food, he eats it!
When she walked down the aisle with her groom, they had to walk single file.
He's so fat even his shadow casts a shadow.
He's not fat -- he's "big boned." But his big bones are definitely fat!
She's so skinny she makes starving Ethiopians look healthy!
She's so skinny, let me tell you... I've seen better legs on chickens.
She's so skinny she makes Skeletor look sexy!
She's so skinny she uses dental floss for toilet paper.
She's so skinny she hula hoops with a Cheerio.
She's so skinny she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant!
She's so skinny her pants have one belt loop.
She's so skinny when she wears yellow people mistake her for a No. 2 pencil.