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INSULT JOKES: Jerks, braggarts, egotists and cheapskates...

He always wants to be the center of attention. When he goes to a funeral, he's sorry he isn't the corpse.

She thinks she's a siren, but she looks more like a false alarm.

He's one of those big shot executives who has to have two desks -- one for each foot.

He knows when an idea is good -- when it's one of his own.

Success hasn't changed him a bit. He's still the same stinker he always was.

No wonder he suffers from migraines -- his halo is stuck on too tight.

He's such a big gun in the office, they're planning to fire him!

She has two nose specialists - one for each nostril.

He gets carried away with his own self-importance. The trouble is, not far enough.

At work he dines with the brass -- they don't trust him with the silver.

He's the kind of guy you'd really like to run into sometime -- when he's walking and you're driving a car!

He hasn't been himself lately. Everyone has noticed the improvement.

He thinks he's out of this world --and everyone wishes he were.

He's good for people's health. When they see him coming, they take long walks.

He's a man of few words. Trouble is, he keeps repeating them.

Everyone confuses him with a hockey player. They tell him, "You stink on ice!"

He's a nice guy -- a nice guy to stay away from!

He's a legend in his own mirror.

When he dies, they'll bury him face down -- so he can see where he's going!

People like him don't just grow on trees -- they swing from them.

He never hits a man when he's down -- he kicks him.

Before firing an employee, he gives him a raise -- so he'll be losing a better job.

He's like a Christmas tie -- loud and useless.

His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

He has a waterproof voice. No one can drown it out.

Success hasn't gone to his head -- just to his mouth.

He's a real carefree guy - he doesn't care as long as it's free.

He's a man of rare gifts. It's rare when he gives one.

When he donates money to charity, he likes to remain anonymous - so he doesn't sign his name on the check.

Money means nothing to him. When you ask him for money, you get nothing.

He's such a tightwad, he even has a burglar alarm on his garbage can.

He always takes his dates to a French restaurant - Jacque in the Box!

He's such a tightwad, he won't even spend the time of day.

When he takes a dollar bill out of his pocket, George Washington blinks at the light.